When I woke up the first morning here in Topanga Canyon, I was excited, energized and ready to take on this strange new world. However, after a day of absolute bliss, the disorientation set in... I felt like I'd plunked myself down in the middle of a foreign country (which, in a way, I have...) where I didn't know the language (which I kinda don't...). The truth is, though, I know it's the right place to be, regardless (which I do...).
But, jeez… I forgot about the whole "What the hell was I thinking?!?" part of taking huge freakin leaps of faith when I decided to actually listen to that Voice! Friday was a doozy, I tell ya. Self-esteem in the toilet, absolutely heart-wrenching loneliness, totally disoriented when I went "down the hill" to Santa Monica; everything in me wanted to go home… and I don't mean to Topanga Canyon.
Every day since, however, feels a little less strange and a little more real. This weekend was good and each day is brighter, feeling more hopeful, and in my search for connections for my book, Getting That You Matter, and work here in L.A., I'm meeting some really amazing human beings like Duncan, Julie-Ann, Aniko, Alessandra, Philip, E.B. and Marcy. I'm reconnecting with some great friends like David, Erin, Janette, Michelle, Laura, Michael and Maura. And I'm being showered with love, support and gifts, like tickets to events, lunches, tea and lots of hugs. Gotta love hugs! As a matter of fact, I think I'll go out and give some Free Hugs some time in the next few days. Heck, I've got the signs in the trunk of my car! Hmmmmm….
The thing is, I'm writing this book and, truth be told, it's taken me years to get that I mattered for who I am, for what I love to be and do in the world. The truth is, it's a journey that's taken a lifetime and a lot of struggle and effort to bring me to this place and time right here. Through two divorces, four network marketing companies and more personal growth workshops than I can count, among many other things, the thing that's been constant is how much I love people and love to see them connecting with their own inner passion and sharing that with each other.
It's funny, I've always thought of taking leaps of faith as being this sort of "on purpose" kind of thing, but from where I'm floating now, I can see that it wasn't "on purpose" at all. Actually, it felt more like I was standing on the cliff backwards, toes clinging to the ledge (like a diver doing a reverse flip, or whatever they call them), and the Universe, with its ever-so-loving nudge, gently pushed me off. Arms and legs akimbo, screaming "Waaaaaait!!!!" I didn't so much leap as lurch. But then this funny thing started to happen… teeny tiny wings sprouted out of nowhere, expanding quickly, and just as my nose was about to scrape the canyon floor, they took me on a sharp turn upward.
All in all, I have to say, this foreign country is starting to look more familiar – I'm remembering street names and short cuts, and learning to allow way more time than I think I need to get anywhere but just down the road. The language is getting easier to manage – I'm learning that cynicism is just part of the territory down here but when you scratch the surface, everyone still wants to be connected and loved. And, more than anything, this is the right place to be, regardless – there is so much going on here, more than I ever could have imagined….
So here I am pumping away, like some sort of moth in the night, hovering in the flame of passion and purpose that lives inside my heart, trusting that my little monkey mind that says "Who do you think you are?" will quiet down when I tell it to Please Be Quiet, and knowing that It's All Good.